Synopsis: Finally retired detective William R. Somerset (Morgan Freeman) and recently acquitted former detective David Mills (Brad Pitt) are hired by a rival food chain as private investigators, to the figure out the competitionâ€™s â€œsecret sauceâ€ but what they find will take them to the darkest depths of the fast food business.
Memorable Scene: A moving moment, where William Somerset has to convince his partner David Mills to let go of the guilt he feels over his wifeâ€™s murder. Somerset pleads with David to stop carrying around his wifeâ€™s severed head in a box and sleeping with it at night.
Plot: Somerset has opened a business doing private investigating after retiring from Homicide. He hires Mills as his assistant, but warns him that this could be a very dangerous job. But Mills is no rookie to danger. He responds to Somersetâ€™s warning by saying â€œYou and I worked homicide for years. What makes you think we canâ€™t handle an fast-food investigation? Weâ€™re gonna walk in there, ask them for the recipe, and be back here in time to watch Dancing with the Starsâ€. But the old man knows better. â€œDonâ€™t be so sure David, this is a crazy business. People die over less.â€ Somerset warned. â€œYea, Iâ€™m gonna die of starvation if we donâ€™t get our asses down there already. Letâ€™s goâ€ Mills replied. They head down to the scene: McDonaldâ€™s.
â€œWelcome to McDonaldâ€™s, May I take your order?â€ asked the attendant. â€œYea, let me have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, some fries, and aâ€¦â€ Mills is cut off mid order by Somerset, who begins questioning the cashier. Sparing no time Somerset gets right to the point, â€œListen, is there any way you could tell us the recipe for your Big Mac sandwich?â€ he then slides the girl a five dollar bill. The cashierâ€™s eyes grew wide and her skin pale. â€œWell Mister, I can only tell you there are 8 ingredients, just eight. Now leave, please. Leave before itâ€™s too late.â€ Mills quipped, â€œYea, they might spit in my Quarter Pounderâ€. Somerset interjected, â€œDamn it Mills canâ€™t you be serious for once?â€ He then turns back to the cashier and asks her one last question. â€œCan you tell us anything else, anything at all?â€ but itâ€™s too late. Before Somerset can even catch his breath, four men dressed as Ronald McDonald, grab Mills and Somerset, and throw them out of the building.
Somerset is reviewing old newspaper articles. â€œI donâ€™t understand why you waste your time with that garbage, Somerset.â€ Mills said. â€œPersonally, I think we need to go back there, shoot first, and ask questions later.â€ Mills then holds his gun in the air. â€œMills, I found the ingredients! Itâ€™s right here in an ad for a McDonaldâ€™s grand opening from over 20 years ago in Dekalb County, GA. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.â€ Somerset said excitedly. â€œI donâ€™t know if senility is kicking in already old man, but thatâ€™s only seven ingredients. Weâ€™re looking for eightâ€¦ remember? The man who hired us said it needed to be eightâ€ Mills replied. â€œBut what if the eighth ingredient is in the special sauce?Â We have to find out what that sauce is made of.â€ Somerset said. â€œTastes like Russian dressing to me, I donâ€™t get the big deal.â€ Mills thought out loud while eating a Big Mac. â€œIâ€™ve eaten 100 of these things since we started this gig and still canâ€™t figure it out. Too bad youâ€™re a vegetarian, because I could use some input.â€
Somerset and Mills have infiltrated McDonaldâ€™s main headquarters and are about to enter the Big Mac preparation room. â€œThis is it, Mills. Remember what I said, stay coolâ€ warned Somerset. â€œI got this.â€ Mills said as he kicked in the door. The room is filled with tanks and tanks of the special sauce and foul almost putrid odor. The tanks are so large Mills and Somerset feel dwarfed by their height. They slowly make their way towards the back of the room. Then they hear something coming from a room marked private. Itâ€™s sounds like people screaming. They run towards it. â€œThere!â€ yelled Somerset, Oh No!â€ â€œWhat the hell is he doing?â€ Mills wondered. â€œMills, go away from here!â€ screamed Somerset, â€œGo away, now!â€ Mills refused and moved forward.Â Somerset canâ€™t believe his eyes. Inside the private room is a midget wearing a Ronald McDonald costume feeding former McDonaldâ€™s employees into giant food processors. The processor leads right into the â€œspecial sauceâ€ tanks. â€œNo!â€ Mills screamed as her drew his gun, â€œNo! I canâ€™tâ€¦ I ateâ€¦â€ â€œMills, just walk away, donâ€™t you understand if you kill him, he wins?â€ â€œYes detectives, you have experienced the 8th ingredient. How did all those employees taste going down?â€ The midget smirked.Â â€œThis is what happens when you dig your nose too deep down the rabbit hole. Now you must kill the source. Shoot me!â€ screams the midget. â€œOh God, Noâ€ Mills cried. â€œAhh..â€ â€œNo Mills, No!â€ begged Somerset. But it was too late. Mills fired his gun into the midget 8 times. One for each ingredient.
Guest Bio: This article was lovingly written by the cavalcade of writers at Donâ€™t You Hate Pants? If youâ€™d like to read more about our particular sense of humor visit www.dontyouhatepants.net. We also have a Pantless Babe of the Week. Sheâ€™s very pretty.