Transporter 2: Most Ridiculous Movie Ever
Take it from me: I know all about awesomeness. When I get pumped, unexpected things happen like punching girl scouts and uppercutting some blind guy. Some would say that this is pretty ridiculous, and I would be inclined to agree. That is, until I saw Transporter 2.
Honestly, I don’t know what to think of this movie. Was it written by a 5 year old who forgot to take his Ritalin or a struggling, imaginative 18 year old who forgot to take his Ritalin? There are some incredibly sweet scenes in this movie but they defy the laws of reality with such a straight face that you cannot help but wonder if the makers just wanted to string together a series of impossible (yet sweet) events and sell it as a movie.
Frank Martin (Jason Statham) is the Transporter. He is a bald guy with a funny accent who drives a really nice car to pick stuff up for people for money. His recent assignment, easy enough, is to drive a dumb kid to and from school while the kid’s hot mom hits on Frank whenever she can. 8 minutes into the movie and she’s ready to pork. But Frank is hardcore gentle, so he says “no.” Then it really hits the fan because suddenly the kid is napped and the Transporter gets so pumped that he starts to break the law. Especially Newton’s laws.
There are several instances of this in the movie, too numerous to count. But I’d like to pick my favorite: at one point, some guy puts a mine under Frank’s really nice car and Frank has to find someway to get it off before it detonates. So what does he do? Easy: he sees a construction crane, gets his car to top speed, jumps off a ramp, inverts the car, lets the crane hook pull the mine off, then lands the car with hardly a scratch on the opposite side of the ramp.
Wait, I just thought of one: Frank jumps his car from one building’s roof into another building’s middle floor, narrowly missing some pretty thick concrete pillars. Then this sweet helicopter appears and threatens to blow Frank up. But Frank is like “pssh, yeah right” and pulls out a handgun and blows up the helicopter just by pointing at it. Sorry, that was actually 2 really sweet events and not one.
So if you like 2 hours of that type of nonsense, I would highly suggest renting this film. If you think that what I said is fairly awful, then you’re probably boring.