OnePumpedNinja

Howl’s Moving Castle: Review

Holler For Howl’s Moving Castle

Miyazaki’s vision of Howl’s Moving Castle is perhaps the most lucid of all his cinematic creations. Based loosely on the book by Diana Wynne Jones, Howl’s Moving Castle is the tale of a young girl’s adventures with a foppish young sorcerer and his motley “family” in his fantastical walking castle. Those who are usually uninterested in the subject matter of his previous films (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, etc) can rest assured with this one: it’s a fairly linear tale that only confuses in certain parts.

Rachel (Emily Mortimer) lives in a fictional world that seems reminiscent of pre-World War I Germany. Intensely vibrant and saturated with spot color, her world is immediately pleasing to the eye and engulfs the viewer to feel at ease in this cinematic reality. On her way home, Rachel is rescued by the typical Japanese girly-man Howl (Christian Bale) and is later assaulted by the Witch of the Waste (Lauren Bacall), who places a curse on Rachel in which she looks like an old woman. To reverse the curse, Rachel journeys to the Waste and encounters the hopping, silent scarecrow Prince Turnip (Crispin Freeman) who takes her to Howl’s Moving Castle, where she makes the acquaintance of the child magician Markl (Josh Hutcherson) and the adorable yet sarcastic flame, Calficer (Billy Crystal). Thus begins their adventures as Rachel tries to find a cure for herself and Howl tries to stop the kingdom’s reckless and pointless war.

Sound confusing? It ought to, given the familiarity that one may have from seeing Miyazaki’s previous material. However, the movie proceeds at a very light pace and is by and large enriching, confined within its own self-regulated rules of how magic works in the world. It focuses largely on Rachel’s effect as an old woman in Howl’s home: her presence literally and figuratively changes the nature of everyone she encounters. I’m sure that somewhere in this film lies buried a moral, perhaps one of “love conquers all” or “be yourself,” but it isn’t explicitly stated anywhere. That is where the movie finds fault: in establishing a delightful environment for incredible characters to interact and grow, by the end of the movie it stumbles in terms of explaining the logistics of things, such as why Howl would eat a star (I’m not kidding) or how Rachel could use a magical tracking device to go back in time.

Still, the movie is a veritable feast for the senses and grasps enough of its hair-thin plot to keep things interesting. The characters alone invoke an on-cel presence that easily rivals that of Disney (coincidentally, Howl’s Moving Castle was distributed through Walt Disney-owned Buena Vista Home Entertainment). Whether you’re young, old, or a college geek with nothing better to do, Howl’s Moving Castle is an innocent break from reality that is likely to be seen as time well spent.

Acting: A-
Effects and Entertainment: A+
Storyline: B-
Recommendability: B+

Just Friends: Review

More Than Just Friends

Just Friends came out in December of 2005 and just barely flew under the radar. It is quite a shame, considering that this movie, more than any other, demonstrates the talent that Ryan Reynolds has at doing what he does best: being a complete jerk. Reynolds has always done his best when in the role of a smug, cocky, and crassly witty anti-hero and this time is no different.

Chris Brander (Reynolds) was the fattest kid in high school whose best friend just so happened to be the hottest girl in school, Jamie Palamino (Amy Smart). When word gets out that he is in love with Jamie and wishes to be “something more,” he is immediately told by Jamie that he is “like a brother” to her and is instantly crushed and publically humiliated. Ten years go by and Chris is a changed man: he’s athletic, wealthy, confident, a womanizer, and popular with the stars of music and showbiz. Due to a twist of fate, he finds himself back in his hometown and facing Jamie once again.

As the title implies, Just Friends is a unique comedy that tackles a situation that most men have been through: the 2-Ladder theory. The idea is that women have a tendency to put men on one of two inescapable relationship ladders: the friend ladder and the “something more” ladder. Or, as Chris calls it, “the Friend Zone.” As the fat Chris Brander, Ryan Reynolds shows us his acting versatility as he is able to convincingly don the role of the lovable fat kid who is smitten with his best friend but cannot muster the courage to adequately tell her how he feels. His weight problem and awkward social surroundings don’t make matters easier, either. He is immediately a character you identify with, not because he is a full-blown geek but because he is a person of good intentions whose inner self is not fairly represented on the outside. Of course, as the grown-up Chris Brander, Ryan Reynolds takes on his very typical role of the smug jerk who you either love or hate. Unlike his other movies, this one is rated PG-13 and so Reynolds is forced to tone down the crassness and pursue other means of humorous expression.

This is where the movie truly gains and keeps momentum: the chemistry that the characters of the film have with one another is the only real “romance” in this so-called “romantic comedy.” Chris and his brother Mike (Chris Marquette) fight constantly but retain the mutal respect that you would expect between siblings: you are honestly convinced that they are brothers in real life, and the majority of the film’s funniest moments come from their interaction. Naturally, the movie would not be complete without the love-interest, Jamie (Amy Smart). Jamie is convingly attractive as the girl-next-door and has the charm and looks to be believable to the audience: her relationship with Chris is likewise just as convincing.

The movie only slows down when it sacrifices plausibility for the sake of a happy ending. Chris is a jerk to Jamie initially, thinking that by playing the upper-hand that she would be swept off her feet. Instead, she’s disgusted by Chris’ actions and is immediately turned off… yet continues to agree to see him. The new guy, Dusty (Chris Klein) shows up just in time to be a convincing foil to Chris and there’s no reason not to think that Jamie would really like him… until you find out that he’s even more of a jerk than Chris is. Though the movie is a comedy and not a statement of how to handle being in “the Friend Zone,” you can’t help but be annoyed at times when the plot strays away from the expected in favor of a fairy tale resolution.

Acting: A
Effects and Entertainment: B+
Storyline: B
Recommendability: B+

Robocop: Review

Robocop Makes an Arrest

Like Rambo, Robocop is one of those titles that have become household names but do not necessarily imply that one has seen the movie behind them. In my house, that would be a sin so I’m here to educate you lest you run around taking Robocop’s name in vain.

Robocop (1987) is the film that put Paul Verhoeven on the map and allowed him to continue existing in Hollywood long enough to direct other messy movies such as Total Recall (1990), Basic Instinct (1992), Showgirls (1995), Starship Troopers (1997), and Hollow Man (2000). On the surface, Robocop is a semi-science fiction tale of one man’s transcendance of the law he swore to uphold in order to achieve a higher form of gory justice and is immensely enjoyable from a good-ol’-boy, kill-the-bad-guys perspective. Just a few strata below, Robocop also succeeds as a satire of the genre it represents and the crazy times of the 80’s.

In the near future of Old Detroit, Omni Consummer Products (OCP) controls the police force and wishes to begin the demolition of Old Detroit to make way for their metropolis of the future, Delta City. To do so, they first need to rid the city of the crime which has made future habitation almost impossible. Vice President Dick Jones (Ronny Cox) wants to start putting Enforcement Droids on every street corner, but the idea is nixed after one unit named ED-209 goes AWOL during a board meeting and turns one of the employees into swiss cheese. A young hotshot, Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer), suggests the Robocop project: turning a police officer into a cyborg, thus giving the necessary crime-fighting hardware to a human mind that is in full control. The program is given the greenlight. Officer Alex Murphy (Peter Weller), Catholic family man and good cop, is brutally gunned down and is the prime candidate for the Robocop project. He is turned into the robotic personification of the law as Robocop and fulfills the job with great efficiency… until memories of his past come back to haunt him and he seeks retributition both within and outside the law.

The film is intensely violent even by our modern standards and the recent DVD release just adds to it. Murphy is literally blown to pieces by handguns and shotguns: his hand is blasted off with a shotgun at close-range and is fully visible thanks to the use of a prosthetic special effect. No amount of blood is spared throughout the course of the film and it is quite gratuitous: people are shot, exploded, and even turned into walking zombies and smacked by trucks. As far as anti-heroes of the 1980’s goes, Robocop tops them all by sheer violence alone but treats the death of the bad guys with a gung-ho spirit that is obviously satirical. Fake infomercials and news broadcasts throughout the film are desensitized to violence and seem to suggest a world in a post-Reagan/ Cold War era whose media and information network is so vast that even the most horrific news is sensationalized for the sake of news alone and not for its intrinsic, disturbing nature. All of this is balanced out by the more provocative and sensitive subplot of Murphy’s humanity: as he starts to remember his previous life as a husband and father, he finds himself grappling in a realistic way as a “ghost in the machine” on his own via dolorosa. Though it is stretching it a bit, many see the Robocop / Alex Murphy character as a secular Christological figure, resurrected to dispense righteous justice as the rightful judge, jury, and executioner of the law.

Don’t forget to notice that the deliciously despicable, ultra-crass villain Clarence Boddicker is none other than Kurtwood Smith of “That 70’s Show” fame. Robocop is not a film for everyone, but it is a film that has unquestionably defined itself for the ages.

Acting: A
Effects & Entertainment: A
Storyline: A
Recommendability: A

Deuce Bigelow – European Gigolo: Review

Getting Jiggy With the Gigolo

Roger Ebert gave Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo a rare “zero” rating, ranking it as the worst movie of 2005. It was also nominated for five 2005 Golden Raspberry Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Sequel, Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Couple.

Honestly people, what were you thinking when you decided to see this movie in the first place?

Not that plot would matter in this case, but for those who are dying to know: yes, the well-meaning Deuce Bigelow (Rob Schneider) is back in Amsterdam with his pimp friend T.J. (Eddie Griffin). When T.J. is framed for the murder of famous gigolos all across Europe, it’s up to Schneider to go undercover as a gigolo to find out who’s responsible. As with most Happy Madison movies or any film involving SNL alumni, you’re not seeing these movies expecting a work of Shakespeare. Hell, with Adam Sandler movies you’re bound to expect the same romantic bullcrap that’s in every single one of his works. At least Schneider gives us dirty jokes.

In defense of the film, I did laugh guiltfully at a lot of the jokes of the movie. Most of them involved phallic comments, insinuations, or crude terminology. But by and large, most of the humor is rather random and only finds repetition in its subject matter. To tail on one reviewer, the script seems as though it came from a locker room conversation between 13-year olds and how many genital jokes they could make in an hour and a half. But like other Happy Madison films, there is no pretentiousness in the movie and you get what you came for: cheap laughs.

Grade: B-

Waiting: Review

What Are We Waiting For?

Do you trust your waiters at your local restaurant? Sometime in high school, we are enlightened by the revelation that your food may not be safe to eat. Maybe it’s because you pissed off the waiter or because the chef just doesn’t like you. In any case, I don’t think that has stopped anyone from eating at a restaurant or made anyone think twice about the special ingredients in your chicken parmesan. Perhaps it’s because we don’t think that these sickening stories could ever happen to us. And that’s probably the sick reason why anyone would want to see a movie such as Waiting…

Unfortunately, if you are looking for the visual sight gags that you would expect in a gross-out comedy set in a restaurant, you’re probably going to be disappointed. Waiting… promotes itself as a comedy but is obviously not on the same page as recent hits such as Wedding Crashers and Dodgeball. The opening is a fair indicator that there is something else to this movie: the credits are written in the same font as the sitcom “Friends” and occur as we see a bunch of high school and college kids attending a local party at some guy’s house. So it’s an independent movie through and through: but is it funny?

The dialogue is delivered in the same edgy and cocky tone that you would expect from Ryan Reynolds, who basically plays himself in every movie. Luckily, we don’t have to listen to him the whole time. You have the cussing, anger-management-needing Naomi (Alanna Ubach), the Oreo busboys Nick (Andy Milonakis) and T-Dog (Max Kasch), the semi-slut Serena (Anna Faris), and the crude, perverted chef Raddimus (Luis Guzman). That doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re flat out hilarious. If anything, you will fall in love with their character interactions more than any of the laughs that they try to get out.

Then there’s Dean (Justin Long), the typical indie-movie protagonist who starts the day by finding out that his classmate is a big shot while he’s just a lowly waiter at Shenanigan’s. The day (and movie) then turns into a journey of self discovery as he decides what to do with his future. Yawn.

There are laughs that involve the intentional viewing of testicles and Ryan Reynolds’ fixation with high school girls, but for the most part don’t expect to be wetting yourself from laughing so hard. Waiting… is an exploration of character interations in a boring and stressful, atypical restaurant environment and not the over-the-top comedy that you may expect it to be.

Grade: C+